The relationship dividers….

In an earlier blog I had discussed the ways to maintain happiness in the married life, here in this blog I will be discussing the different habits/ behaviours which generally drive a wedge in a relationship. When two people are in love, they tend to overlook lot many differences which later in life may become the reason for straining or breaking a relationship. Right mix of love and friendship is the fuel which drives any relationship. Like love, no relationship comes with a lifetime guarantee though options of limited warranties to repair a crack are always there. Constant efforts are required to be taken to sustain a relationship. In my view the main irritants which may finally drive love away and bring in a divide in any relationship are as given in succeeding paras.

Family

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Moving away from the joint family…….the after effects….

family

We in India take pride in our old age traditions and culture of family bonding. Indian culture thrived on family bonding. Once a relationship was formed, it was for life. The strong family bonds continue even now, though the cities have seen a shift from joint to nuclear families.

Children are generally moving out of parental home for reasons of profession and also to a large extent, after marriage, in search of independence. Cases of separation/ divorce are on the increase. The elders, somehow, blame it on the increasing effect of western culture, but that may not be the main reason at all.

The joint families had a major advantage of emotional, physical and financial support available within the family. Whenever there was a problem the entire family used to revolve around to help resolve the issue. The work load was equitably distributed between all family members. However, as the families grew bigger the requirements increased, specially of the space, living and work space both. Thus, the need to move to alternate places emerged. Job opportunities was a major reason of young adults moving base from rural to urban centers.

Though the males apparently were the patriarchs in the family but in reality, the families revolved around the mothers, the ladies. It is the ladies who took care of the family, brought up children, helped maintained family bonding. Was, emotional support and love the only reasons for the family bonding, the reason for marriage to last till death interfered? Well, at the face of it, appeared so. However, in reality the reasons may be beyond emotions. In Indian families, girls, since ages, have been brought up with a mindset that their main role in life is to take care of the family, bring up children. The ladies were supposed to stay in home and only men folk were supposed to go out and work. Girls were generally groomed to be homely, not actually empowered to have a professional career. Rather the girls were discouraged from pursuing a job. Situation in rural areas or towns have still not changed much where girls are groomed with the mindset that they require the support of the man to survive. They have to be married at the earliest possible age.

Once the girls were not empowered to face the world, to be independent, they were forced to accept whatever life came their way after marriage. Even if the lady was not happy with her way of life, after marriage, she generally endured it all because of the fear of survival, if marriage broke. The parents forced/ convinced the girls to make compromises/ adjust.

Now, the modern-day girls in cities and to some extent in small towns are educated and longing to have a professional career. They are sure of themselves and don’t feel the need of a man to survive. Even boys want to move out of the shadows of elders to grow on their own strength. An educated, empowered girl/ boy will not take nonsense from anyone. Even husbands don’t like to see their wives being humiliated by elders in the name of culture and traditions. These are the main reasons giving rise to nuclear families, forcing young adults to leave the parental homes. There is a flip side to it; even small difference in opinion at times grow into major issues, as there are no elders around to help resolve the problems. When both, husband and wife are working, the child suffers to an extent. They are not able to give the child the attention he deserves.

A change in mindset, which encourages independence under the same roof, is required, if family bonding have to foster. Parents have to change their outlook. Even the youngsters have to evolve and understand their responsibility towards parents and family as a whole.

“Profession may force a child to stay away from parents, but the emotions can’t be allowed to die

Sustaining ‘Happiness Index’ in married life….

It is after a couple of months of married life that I started to understand that “Love is a beautiful feeling, but marriage is a different ball game all together”. By the time you realise it ‘it’s too late to withdraw’. I had married after a brief courtship happy that I understood my would be wife so well but ‘Ek mahine mein hi aankh khul gayi’, within a month of marriage I was asking myself ‘Yaar ye woh hi hai?’ (Is she the same girl I married?). As the initial euphoria of marriage diminishes and the routine catches up it requires a sustained effort to maintain the ‘Happiness Index’.

wife

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Separated by Corona…. United by Love (Helped by Internet)

Corona has forced the biggest lockdown ever on the normal activities the world over. The lockdown has brought families together and helping people to re-discover the ‘spark’ in the relationships which had gone missing kind courtesy the ever so busy life most of us had so got used to leading.

Quarrel

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Marriage and the shoe string budget…..

We had a short sweet courtship of three months before we decided to tie the knot. (My Dream Girl – Part 2: Ek ladki bheegi bhaagi si mili ek ajnabee se……)Three months was a good enough period to know and understand each other. The 90 best days of my life, enjoying the newfound company, flying high on cloud 9, love does take you on a different high. We had our fair share of hurdles, though nothing alarming, till we finally reached the stage of ‘saat pheras’ but fortunately both the families never raised any major issues.

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My Dream Girl – Part 2: Ek ladki bheegi bhaagi si mili ek ajnabee se……

I am very fond of travelling and my bachelor status and the profession that I am in both aided me in following my passion for travel. Having always believed that “Ek rasta hai zindagee jo tham gaye to kuch nahin” (Life is a journey on which one must keep moving) I travelled from place to place covering length and breadth of our great nation. While the love of travelling was getting fulfilled the ‘Love of my Life still eluded”, she was nowhere in the sight. My elders and colleagues were pushing me hard to ‘tweak’ my imagination a bit but I was not ready to throw in the towel as yet and the wait for “Shayar ki ghazal, kisi jheel ka kanwal” (the girl as beautiful as the flowing poetry or a lotus in the lake) my dream girl continued.

wait

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Life is beyond earning a salary and paying rentals…..

The other day while browsing the internet I came across this lovely quote “You are not here to just work, wait for weekends and pay rent”.  It is so relevant today where most people are just working 9 am to 9 pm (some even later than that), there are no evenings; the day starts and before one realises it is night. Weekend is the only time left for catching up with lost sleep, friends or relations (Some use it for catching up with laundry too).

 

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Do not be in a hurry to overtake….

Many of us are very impatient on road, overtaking at will in a hurry to reach the destination. Moment we see a vehicle overtaking ours, the blood boils and the foot automatically presses the accelerator to give a befitting response (or should I say reaction!!). 

essence of speed

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Love your roots…..you stand because of them….

Looks matter but not as much as the base, the roots, the foundation. The trees draw their strength from the roots as the buildings from the foundation they stand on. 

maroon - Copy (3) - Copy

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