Parenting a child with special education needs..…

Today after interacting with a group of parents of children with special needs the first thought which struck my mind was that blessed are people like me who are born normal, who are parents of normal children, who are leading a normal life.

special children

I have been a regular visitor to orphanages, old age homes and schools for children with special needs but such visits do not actually expose one to what a parent of these children may be going through every day. Being a parent carrying a life-long guilt consciousness of not being able to do the best for the child, getting physically and emotionally drained day after day, dealing with the tantrums/ fits of anger the child resorts to, giving up on social commitments as one parent/ family member is always required to be with the child, constantly plagued with the worry of future (what after us?) life is not easy and practically impossible for parents of normal children to visualise.

It is not just the child, but the parents also require constant support and education. They must be groomed to accept the truth, trained to face the challenges, to maintain the calm in the adversity. It is easy to lose temper when the child is throwing tantrums but then that is the worst response expected from the parent, it will do more harm than give any relief. Every action taken in front of the child has to be measured. The parents must undergo classes for stress management and learn best ways to teach and take care of the child. It is the combined effort of the parents, teacher and the medical practitioner which will give the best results.

COVID has added on to the problems of the parents with the children missing on the much required therapy sessions. Most of these children are maybe missing out on the only opportunity they used to get of going out of home and meeting / seeing other children when they went to school, this must be certainly making them more restless. Schools are attempting online classes, but the onus lies more on the parents to learn the right procedures and techniques to be able to help the child in practicing.

Parents must make effort to become members of various support groups especially of the parents of children with special needs on various social media platforms and share thoughts and seek support/ guidance. The main support the mother and father draw, is from each other, they should always be there for each other, when one feels low the other should lift the spirit. Lastly, the humour should not be allowed to escape from life, light moments of laughter are the best for relieving stress.

The relationship dividers….

In an earlier blog I had discussed the ways to maintain happiness in the married life, here in this blog I will be discussing the different habits/ behaviours which generally drive a wedge in a relationship. When two people are in love, they tend to overlook lot many differences which later in life may become the reason for straining or breaking a relationship. Right mix of love and friendship is the fuel which drives any relationship. Like love, no relationship comes with a lifetime guarantee though options of limited warranties to repair a crack are always there. Constant efforts are required to be taken to sustain a relationship. In my view the main irritants which may finally drive love away and bring in a divide in any relationship are as given in succeeding paras.

Family

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Looking beyond the looks…

Indians are a community obsessed with fairness, unfortunately not of character but of skin. The obsession has risen so much that skin cream companies have done the what was unthinkable a few years back not just produced but notched up high sales of fairness skin for men too; what a shift from ‘Tall dark and handsome’ to ‘Fair and handsome’, fair skin and a six pack ab is what attracts.

fair skin

Every marriage advertisement has the word fair prominently displayed in the first line itself, technology is (mis) used to appear fair in the pictures; Why is the dark skin so unwanted? Why do not these people understand that photo-shopping cannot hide the ‘True Colour’ of skin and especially the character.

In many areas in northern part of the country fair skin matters more than the grey matter one possesses. Opinions are formed on the looks and the style; no time is spent on understanding the brain. Maybe that is why someone preferred to call brain, the intelligence as ‘grey matter’ and not white because to look good matters more than ‘to be good’. It anyways does not matter whether brain is white, or black or grey, fair skin and a perfect figure anyways makes the mind of the onlooker go numb or makes him dumb, isn’t it?

Many of my countrymen who put their voice loudly behind the ‘Black lives matter’ protests taking place in USA have never bothered to speak against discrimination in their own streets in fact right in their own households. Why can’t we just start with a protest against all these fair and lovey creams. We are a nation where black lives in US matter but in their own life most men just want a fair bride.

The thought process of young generation is changing albeit slowly most hunks still prefer an arm candy to the bold and beautiful. Both young men and women must take on the responsibility of changing this mindset which is so highly prevalent even today specially in the rural of the country.

Corona did to an extent divert the attention from the looks to the brain; with every face covered and beauty parlours closed people found time to indulge in creative activities and making intelligent conversations with those who mattered without bothering about the look; That’s the way it has to be, people have to learn to live in their own skin and make use of the brain the way it is supposed to be; after all it is the brain and intelligence and not fair skin which is required for paying the bill, managing home or office.

Beautiful day..

It has been raining since early morning. As the downpour turned to a lovely drizzle could not resist walking into the kitchen garden.

IMG_20200726_074222The clouds… the usual sight now a days …

IMG_20200726_074706

The lady finger…Okra..my favourite….

 

 

 

 

 Taro root,  Bitter gourd, Tomatoes, Lemon grass, beans, Bottle gourd…..A healthy mix of vegetables, hopefully should last us through the pandemic…..new will be added as the season changes….that is what life is all about…….one goes another comes….

Seeking happiness…

 Happiness is what we all seek and relentlessly work for in our lives. But how many of us actually achieve it is debatable; leave alone achieving it most of us do not even have a proper definition of it, we do not know what is that we are seeking which will lead us to eternal happiness.

It is your life

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Quitting the race for a College degree….

 Two things are very deeply ingrained in the Indian psyche: obtaining a college degree and landing up a good job. Most of the students are not bothered what they are graduating in but they just go through the college for three reasons; one it gives them an opportunity to spend good three years of life in the company of peers , friends; two it keeps the parents off their trail, keeps the parents happy and three some think that obtaining a degree will open up avenues for better jobs.

higher education Continue reading “Quitting the race for a College degree….”

My God converses with me….

 The best side effect of Corona, in my view, was that our God came home; the humans got locked inside the homes and the God got unlocked from the places of worships, the temples.

One thing which always irritated me no end was the religious beliefs and the traditions passed down through generations in every family and being followed blindly. I never understood why I should require a mediator (a religious priest) to converse with my God that too in a language alien to me. Why should a priest be required as a translator to convey my prayers/ wishes to God in a language which I do not understand? Why can’t I converse with my God in the language I speak? Why cannot I speak with HIM whenever, wherever I want to, why is a day fixed and an appointment needed? If I am HIS child, then where is the space for someone else between me and HIM? My God should understand the language I speak otherwise HE is not mine.

Continue reading “My God converses with me….”

Krimchi temples….

Khrimchi is a group of seven temples located on a stream about 12 Kms from Udhampur , J & K, India. Believed to be over a thousand year old according to Archeological Survey of India these were constructed in 8th or 9th AD. Locals believe that Pandavas stayed there for long during exile hence are also known as Pandava temples.

The architecture is typical kashmiri and the main temple is dedicated to Shiva, Vishnu, Ganesha and Parvati .

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Understanding your why….

The basic cause of unhappiness in most people’s life comes from failure to understand their why. They spent their lives trying to find out why others are happier than them, earning more money than them or scoring more marks than them; living in the ‘uski saree meri saree se safed kiun’ syndrome (Why her saree is whiter than mine syndrome).

why

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Enjoying the Walk….

It is a blessing to go for long walks in an open, pollution free and safe environment, specially in this time when the fear of Ms Corona meeting around the corner, unannounced, looms large in every mind. Yes, it is more in the mind, Corona will not catch you unless you to hug and kiss, so practice physical distancing, keep face covered and hands clean.

Why does one go for a walk or a run? Well, most say because it helps them keep fit, so if tomorrow God guarantees you life long fitness without making any effort, will you stop going for the walk/ run? I will not for sure, because I am not being pushed for the walk by the desire of losing weight or staying fit.

What a feeling it is to watch the sun rise and set every morning and evening, hear the birds chirp in the background as I walk past lost in my thoughts; cannot be explained in words. So many people walk past, do not personally know most of them, but yet a good wish and a smile is exchanged, where else will I get an opportunity to smile, pass on a smile and make friends for no specific reason.

I go for a walk because it gives me an opportunity to be with me in a clean and green environment, talk to myself. I get an opportunity to converse with myself, at times with my God and find answers to most of the issues lingering in the mind during these walks. All the blogs I share are first written in my mind during the walks before finally being published.

Yes, an hour-long walk does help in filling the lungs with fresh oxygen, make the heart and mind go gaga with happiness and help the blood flow without stress through the body but I walk because it makes me happy and I have no reason to believe that anything is going to change in the future.

So all of you people, go for a daily walk, it relieves stress, helps you think fresh, make friends, stay happy and also helps you to stay fit.

 

Inspiration Vs Motivation….