Who am I? Apparently, a simple question but one which I, like many others, found very difficult to answer. The more I try to get a perfect answer, more confused I get.
Original, unique, just be ‘me’, is what I think I was supposed to be, but has it happened? Year after year irrespective of the life role I was playing of a son, brother, student, a husband, a father or a professional I have been often compared with others; time and again reminded how someone else’s son was so well disciplined, so good in studies or in sports, how some husband’s were always at the beck n call of their wives, how some fathers were so much more loving and caring and going overboard to meet every demand of their child, how the other office colleague was so much more efficient than me, why couldn’t I learn from them, be like them.
Learning from others is one thing, I believe in that but to be or become like somebody else is what my mind does not agree to. I do not want to lose my originality; a bold statement to make isn’t it? But how do I follow it? What did I want to be, who am I?
Then who am I? How should I identify myself, should it be related to my family name, my status, my profession or to my thoughts? Well, I would prefer to relate my identity to my thoughts and actions because they are the only things that are originally mine.
As I grew up, based on various life experiences I have been through I framed a set of rules, goals on which I modelled my life on, a very simple and achievable set of rules.
Fortunately, my parents or elder siblings never set targets for me to achieve as a child. I had set for myself a simple goal to pass every exam with decent marks which I did quite easily and even went on to clear the first competitive exam I faced without much ado and when most of my classmates were just struggling to finish their college I was in a decent job.
I always had a strong dislike for nonsense and stupidity, and I have not accepted it from anyone irrespective of their status or relationship with me.
I always wanted to remain financially and mentally independent; financially I have been since the age of 21, mentally? Well, I think so. (though my wife thinks she controls my mind; oops, should I say it so openly?).
I wanted to marry only when my mind and heart said it and had decided that I will love my wife irrespective of what her behaviour towards me was and so waited till the age of 32 when my heart and mind finally agreed and do I love her , well that someone can ask her, I am confident she will say a big Yes.
I always believed in building and maintaining relationships and I have never hesitated to walk the extra step to help sustain a relationship.
My professional growth has gone the way I had thought, done whatever I wished to do, the way I wanted to, never bothered about what others were doing and what matters most is that my subordinates believed in me, trusted me. I have been a hard task master but the one who was always there with his subordinates when they required him the most, never hesitated to stick my neck out for their sake.
I am a sum total of what ever I have written above, an independent thinking man who is fiercely protective of his relationships. I have lived with dignity, created my own space. I am enjoying life, living it because I am loving it and loving it because I am living it on my terms.
To cut the story short, I wanted to live as a good human being and be remembered as one. I firmly believe there will be no dearth of hands which will rise in blessings/ to wish good for me whenever I require.