Responsible Parenting …….Happy Children….

It’parenting-responsibilities-200x200s very common to hear parents complaining that the kids , specially teenagers hardly like to spend time with them . The boys specially share very little , refuse to open their hearts in front of parents. Even the children have similar complaints about their parents- No Quality time.

Who or what is to be blamed for such a situation arising in a family? Well actually no one or should I say practically all the family members. We can blame the technology as well, the TV , cell phones or the internet.

The main reason is our lifestyle. We as parents forget our responsibilities or at times try to force our way which pushes the child not necessarily into a shell but certainly away. The parents have to spend quality time with the kids. No TV, No technology just quality time together. Talking, playing or discussing. It has to be part of the daily routine in the family where they all sit together and talk or play .This will get the child closer to the parent .

There should never be a fear syndrome. Child should respect the elders, never fear them . He should not hesitate to tell the truth. This will only happen when there is a bond of trust. Parents do not jump to conclusions and listen to the child and respect his views. Avoid admonishing the child publicly. But a mistake should always be pointed out and corrective measures taken. Also remember not to remind a child time and again of mistake he / she had done.

Today’s kids are well aware of the environment and the happenings. They will always have lots of questions. Ans the questions honestly. Do not ever try to enforce your will on the kids. It may work for some time but sooner than later it will push the kid away from the parents.

Life is not just studies and competitions. Encourage the child to develop a hobby. This will help them grow and also help them to keep away from TV and internet.

Ensure that all meals are had together. If not all at least the dinner and that to in dining hall. No TV or other distractions. Having meals together is the best way of spending quality time together. Do not discuss studies at the dining table.

Be polite and if need be firm in dealing with kids . Avoid shouting and abusing. Parents quarreling in front of kids is a Big No. Kids learn from every action of parents. Anything they observe become part of their behaviour pattern.

Assist the kids with their school work . Just employing a tutor is not enough. Your kid requires you. Guide them in whatever you can.

As the kids grow up into teenagers develop friendship with them . Friends never hide anything from each other and do not hesitate to discuss the worst of the situation they are in.

Aim to empower the child, Do not make him dependent on anyone or anything.

Remember to give kids quality time, guide them , teach them , play with them…..Be a friend. Parents and kids both will be happy.


Stress …There are ways to Deal…..

stressStress will always there you like it or not, what matters is how one deals with it. Students are under stress because of studies and competitions , parents are under stress constantly worrying for future of their kids and then there is the work related stress ever on the increase. Number of lives are being lost because they were not able to handle the stress.

Why is the stress related incidents ever on the rise be it in studies or at work? The reasons are not difficult to find. Lets take the case of students first , most of them take up subjects in school or college not because they liked them but generally because they did not like the other subjects on offer or their parents / elders in family wanted them to pursue particular subjects. The choices are generally limited to subjects facilitating joining the field of Engineering , Medical , Chartered Accountant ,  or Law . Irrespective of the fact whether the child wants to take these subjects or not whether he has an aptitude/ love for these professions he has to pursue these subjects in school or college .The child is offered very little choice in most cases rather to be true he is hardly given an option. This is the first cause of stress .The child  tries to master a subject in which he may have no interest at all. To achieve that he will be made to cut down his leisure hours , give up love of sports / drama / music and may even stick to books during weekends or holidays. There are hardly any diversions or breaks , just study and study. Then there is the pressure of performing in competitive exams , the fear of not being able to make it in the merit which adds to the stress manifold.

Once the child is through the exams and the competitive exams he may end up in a profession he has no love or aptitude for. There again he will get into the cycle of long working hours , no breaks ,to meet the targets and deadlines. Very little time for family which may further add to stress . If both husband and wife are working in similar conditions then there is hardly any time for each other or relatives / friends/ social commitments. Most just wait for the weekend to unwind , but hardly get time to socialise. Money starts mattering the most . Success is counted in terms of salary not satisfaction or peace of mind. To earn more money more hours are dedicated to work leaving still lesser for anything else.jects in school or college .The child is offered very little choice in most cases rather to be true he is hardly given an option. This is the first cause of stress .The child  tries to master a subject in which he

How does one overcome this stress syndrome. The ans is love. Anything / anyone you love hardly ever causes stress. Just do what you love. Find your purpose , your passion and follow it. The passion will itself work as an inspiration or motivator . You won’t have to look outside for motivation . In school let the child make the selection of subjects he wants to study. Let him select his own future. Parents and elders may guide and give in their inputs based on experience but let the child make his own decision. Let the child follow his passion . Why try to make him a doctor or engineer when all that he wants to do is play a guitar or be an actor.

It is well understood that there is no substitute for hardwork in any field but then one must also understand that there is no substitute for socialising , interaction and networking. Balance your work life between these. Take breaks regularly to rejuvenate ,re-energise. Have a good hobby to divert your mind from the work stress.You will face any stress with a smile.he will get into the cycle of long working hours , no breaks ,to meet the targets and deadlines. Very little time for family which may further add to stress . If both husband and wife are working in similar conditions then there is hardly any time for each other or relatives / friends/ social commitments. Most just wait for the weekend to unwind , but hardly get time to socialise. Money starts mattering the most . Success is counted in terms of salary not satisfaction or peace of mind. To earn more money more hours are dedicated to work


No Setback is Permanent Unless You Want It To Be…..


All of us have dreams , all of us fall in love and all of us face failures / rejections at some point of time in our life .

It is very common to find two students / co – workers falling madly in love at first sight . They appear to be totally inseparable till one day you find one of them gloomy , sulking in a corner , missing classes / neglecting work because the other has walked out of the relationship . Reason for break up can be any but it certainly leads to heart breaks , a period of feeling low follows in which nothing appeals or looks good.

The one who has supposedly walked out continues to live a normal life, maybe finds new love or a new passion ( human , material or career).But the one who feels let down , dumped or may be rejected normally gets into a shell , refuses to be part of the routine( for at least a reasonable period of time ). This just not adversely affects life in general but takes toll on the health and most of all affects the performance in the academics or work .The longer you continue to sulk the more unfair you are being to yourself. Your low mood doesn’t matter to the other person

( if it mattered he wouldn’t have done what he did) . Rather it doesn’t matter to anyone on this earth other than to you or your near and dear ones. You are ruining your life . Can you ruin your life for a person who doesn’t even care? No you can’t , heaven has not come crashing down , get up , collect yourself and get going again.

This is that time of life when good friends , hobbies and a resilient attitude comes in most handy. Yes, a break up / rejection will affect your mental condition but keep the period to minimal. It’s not difficult, that person did not deserve you , better things / better company awaits you . But you will only find it if you come out of your shell and cut down the period of self pity. Spend time with good friends who will alleviate your mood and support you in this hard time. This is where a hobby is most helpful. Whatever hobby you have , a creative one like writing , painting , music , cooking whatever , indulge in it .You will find yourself getting out of the lows in no time. Do not run away from the situation , face it , overcome it. Get back to your books or work . Do what you love. You were not born to start sulking and get into dumps at the first setback . You may face many such setbacks / rejections in life . Take them in your stride , analyse what probably went wrong and do not commit the same mistake again.

No setback is permanent , persevere , be resilient and you will overcome it…..


Life is beyond Routine….


All of us get so tied up with habits and routine in life , that any change is always generally resisted. We have grown up doing things in a particular way that even a thought of doing it differently evokes a negative response from the brain. We have our comfort zones within which we usually want to live. It’s not just about doing a thing in a particular way but we get used to timings as also wanting to see things in a particular place and any change in that immediately sets in a negative motion.

Routine is in fact good, in a way, that it brings in discipline in life and if followed religiously ensures things are done at the given time in the prescribed way. Following a set routine creates less stress and gives us a feeling of safety . But is it good for growth…..personal and professional?

Boredom is likely to set in if we go on following a particular routine over and over again. If we do not think beyond routine and break away from our comfort  zones, it will be difficult to achieve anything extraordinaire. Here I would like to give the example of my daughter , a class 7th student than. One fine on her return from school , she announced that she was participating in the school athletics championship, for which she was required to go for practice every morning to school at 6 am. We as parents were not in favour of it but knowing our daughter very well , it was so difficult to get her out of bed daily even at 6.30 am to make her reach the school at 7.15 am just in time for morning assembly, we were sure she will give up after initial days of practice. But we were proven wrong and the child went for practice every single day for next two months and went on to become the best athlete of the school. She could do it as she had decided to break her routine and step out of her comfort zone ( in fact her bed at 5 am every morning) which would have certainly increased her stress levels also. So the success can b attributed to breaking the routine, increasing the stress level ( up to an acceptable level) and , offcourse dedicated practice, health condition and motivation .Similarly ,to achieve success in any field including increase in production a risk ahs to be taken to break the routine and increase the stress level.

Breaking the routine doesn’t mean doing something extra ordinary on the first day itself. One should keep attempting different things and different ways of doing things at small level to break the routine , may not be every day , but whenever opportunity comes. Development / nurturing of good creative hobbies also help in breaking the routine. Drawing , singing , painting , playing an instrument all help in keeping the mind active and fresh. Taking a break ,going on vacations also provide a break from routine but may not involve taking risks and certainly no increase in stress level. However, they provide a break from the monotonous routine and re-energise you to get back into routine once again with renewed energy.

We have to understand that how so ever we may try , life will not run as a routine. There will always be situation forcing us out of our routine. Deviations we take at regular intervals prepare us to face these situations , how so ever stressful they may be , with relative ease.

Stepping out of the comfort zone at regular intervals thus helps in following ways :-

–       To achieve something new or beyond routine.

–       Get our mind and body used to dealing with increased stress.

–       Help us in keeping the mind and body energised and creative.

“Twenty years from now you will be more disappointed by the things you didn’t do than by the one’s you did do,

So throw away he bowlines, sale away from the safe harbour, catch the trade winds in your sail,

Explore , dream ,discover”


Awesome must be one of the most ‘used’ word on the social network sites(SNS), specially by the young generation . Most prefer to spell it ion their own special way – Ossum , Awsum , Osm.( One of the best compliment one can expect on a post on a SNS is the word Awesome ). Unique must the next most used word to express compliments. It’s not the post but the person uploading it who actually deserves the compliment.

The most awesome and unique creation of God is actually the human being and no one and nothing else deserves to be called so. Every men / women is unique in his / her own way , having different traits, looks , abilities and whatever else one can think of . In short no two humans are born same. It is this uniqueness which actually makes every human awesome. But unfortunately majority of people refuse to accept this beautiful truth, perpetually underestimating their own capabilities.

Every child is born special, however this uniqueness gets suppressed within as one grows( Sort of a negative growth actually ). The fault lies with the Elders , Parents and teachers who knowingly / unknowingly make a constant endeavour to channelise the mind of the child to a particular way of life. Most of the elders want the child to be their own copy and follow their footsteps or at the most be a replica of someone , the elders think had achieved greatness. They forget that the path to greatness is laid by the ability and will to question the old. While learning history , culture and values may be good for the child but he should not be tutored to follow the books and traditions blindly. The main aim of education should be to encourage the child to questions . It’s questioning alone which will facilitate growth and help bring in positive change in society and the life style. New inventions, discoveries take place only because someone refused to accept the status quo. Individuals achieve greatness because they realised their uniqueness , polished it and achieved what they wanted to.

The majority of the children of varied age groups I have interacted with failed to identify any quality in them which made them special. A simple question – what makes you special ? went unanswered. It’s more disheartening to know that majority of children in 10th and 12th class were not aware of their uniqueness , their passion. They were not very sure of why they had opted to follow a particular stream of education ( Medical . non-medical , humanities or commerce ) . Most had selected the subjects based on advice of their parents / teachers or peer pressure . Majority of the students end up acquiring / mastering skills which they never loved. Their own passion lies buried deep in the heart , taking a back seat. Such a child , in all probability will not achieve what he / she was capable of . Inspite of the skills acquired they may still grow with a sense of regret of not having followed their passion . Some of them are bold enough to make mid course corrections and change their professions in line with their passion.

Our education and evaluation system is such that passions get subdued in the rat race of passing exams after exams. It’s well understood that exams matter and history , geography , science, maths and commerce matter as well but what matters most is the passion , the flame burning in the heart of the child. This is the flame which will take him to his destination. No one has the right to put a curfew on the flame and sieze initiative from the child.

The right to select his / her future goal lies only with the child as he/ she is affected by it the most . The teachers , parents , elders and the entire education system should act as a facilitator and help the child in identifying his / her passion and following it. The child who follows and lives his / her passion will remain unique and happy in life . Every child is born unique and awesome, let him live that way.

The parents try to be over protective about their children and want them to be secure. They want to do for the kids what ever they can to ensure a secure life for them but in that bargain end up making them weak . Such kids normally are unable to take risks and break down easily when support is not there .They are not able to make decisions when it matters most. Over insurance doesn’t help the kids ion the long run , it makes them weak. Parents and teachers should act as guides and coach the child and not tutor him on everything. They should encourage him to make his own decisions.

Elders , generally the parents and teachers do not encourage the child to ask questions. It’s questioning which helps the child to understand things better , in right perspective. In our society , children in their growing years are expected to accept whatever is told to them by the elders , as the ultimate truth . Child is not allowed to dissent which is a very natural phenomenon when the mind doesn’t accept , at face value , what is seen or is being told. This is the main reason for most of our students lacking imagination and their being poor decision makers. Majority looks towards elders or others to make decisions for them. Nothing can be worse than this for the growth of mind. Earlier a child learns to disagree , to express dissent and to take decisions better it is for the growth .

Elders spoon feed the child , coming to his assistance the moment he is encountered by smallest of problem . A person who cannot handle pressure on his own can never succeed ion life. He will break down at the first obstacle. Freedom to make decisions empower the child with the ability to handle pressures. Ability to handle pressure will help him face any failure and overcome it.

We become what we become because of the choices we make in our life . Do not leave the power to make this choice in someone else’s hand. Listen to all but make your own decisions. Unfortunately most of people try to become what they think their parents or elders think they should become. This trend has to change and change fast.The student should be encouraged to realise his passion , his potential and acquire the skills which help in fueling and fulfilling the passion. The child will be happy and learn willingly. A happy and fulfilled person will be in a better position to give to the society than someone who has mastered skills that he never loved / liked.