Just dreaming and imagining is not enough to be a winner, you will only win if you decide to win, if winning is your ultimate goal. Most go wrong in selection of the aim, the goal. I have come across many young players for whom representing their state or the country is the ultimate aim. But is that enough? You got to play to win, the ultimate aim being to win for the country/ team. Continue reading “Got to have a Goal to score a Goal…..”
We always take things for granted. As a child we get used to things being provisioned by parents, at times even before we demand it. Most of us have grown in the protective environment with everything being taken care by parents. As we grow up we take our life partners our jobs for granted. We get used to a way of life, both personal and professional, and take it for granted that life will always go on same way.
This is truer for the married ladies who become overtly dependent on their husbands for all their need specially, financial. In Indian subcontinent, most married ladies prefer to be home makers and hardly take interest in the financial management, even the husbands falter and fail to educate the ladies in this aspect. The ladies are not aware of the investments, loans repayment, bank nominations, insurances, property related documents. These are all managed by the husbands. Most of us fail to make and register a ‘WILL’. God forbid, if life takes an unfortunate turn and the husband suddenly passes away the entire family suffers for no fault of theirs. Pain of loss of a husband/ son/ parent can be further compounded if the financial/ insurance / property documents have not been managed well.
The common mistakes which normally most people do are failure to open joint bank accounts or earmarking a nominee authorised to operate the account in the event of death of the main account holder.
The wife/ parents are not aware of the loans taken. Most of us do the mistake of not insuring the home loans, as it increases the value of monthly instalments. If the loan is insured then in the unfortunate event of passing away of the payee the insurance company repays the entire balance amount and the family doesn’t suffer.
The property is registered only in the name of one person and with his passing away the legal hassles of taking over the property starts for the wife/ family. It’s better to have a joint registration of the property to avoid any legal hassles or have a registered ‘WILL” nominating the person to whom the property will pass on.
There is hardly anyone who prepares and registers a proper ‘WILL”. WILL is not talked about or discussed in the Indian families as it relates to death and division of property. Wisdom lies in preparing a detailed WILL and registering it. This will save the survivors from legal hassles and financial loss.
Common things like Digital locker/ Internet banking passwords are lot known to the survivors and does take a prolonged exercise to hold of the new passwords and bank account operating rights. Prudence is in maintaining a physical record of all passwords and user names in a diary, not just on the laptop.
All financial documents should be kept safely and the spouse/ parents should be aware of it. If possible, make two copies and keep at two different places just to cater for accidents. Record to be kept securely online also and in digital locker.
Home makers should be educationally/ professionally qualified to take on the mantle of the ‘Bread winner’ when the need arises. Ability to drive a vehicle is a must.
What I have discussed above is the worst which one can go through in life. People go wrong even in basics, just don’t plan or visualise the future before taking a plunge. You will see numerous cases of newly wed couples trying to settle down in life as early as possible. They get themselves overburdened with loans in the quest to acquire luxuries of life and a sweet home. Banks happily disburse loans based on the present income of the couple. Caution is thrown to the winds while taking loans and people fail to visualise the scenario that will happen if for some reason the job is terminated. No job is guaranteed in private sector. This has happened in many families with jobs getting terminated at short notices, business failing and then they have no way of re-payment of big loans they had taken and lose out on whatever they had acquired. More importantly they end up losing peace of mind. Patience, planning, visualisation, bit of caution is must in life; nothing happens overnight.
“Life takes unexpected turns, enjoy it as long as you can but be always prepared to face any unfortunate eventuality. Strengthen your shoulders when you have the time, you won’t have to look for outside support even in the worst contingency”
Killing softly and slowly with our words is what many of us actually do daily without even realising it. Most affected are the people around us, relations, office colleagues (specially subordinates).
We cause hurt by our arrogance, rude behaviour, derogatory language, causing humiliation and what not. It’s not about killing physically, but killing emotionally, breaking the confidence, hurting self- respect, subduing initiative.
“I will tell you what to do/ how to do” and “I know better” or “I am more experienced” syndrome is so prevalent in our lives and we just refuse to give it up, knowing fully well that this the main reason affecting growth, both personal and professional. At home the elders (generally the father) and in the offices the seniors are the ‘killers’. Being elder/ senior doesn’t necessarily mean we know better/ are more experienced. “Experience is more related to the situation one has been through in life and how he/ she responded to it, it has got less to do with the number of years one has spent on earth or in the same office”.
Being elder/ senior doesn’t give anyone a right to hurt/ humiliate. Most of the time the arrogant behaviour is the result of our own insecurities. We refuse to accept our weaknesses, make no efforts to improve and hide behind the veil of arrogance and our seniority.
Arrogant behaviour of senior, regular humiliation, more than teaching actually pushes the junior/ child away. As an elder the aim should always be to empower the younger by sharing your acquired wisdom guiding him through, facilitating him find solutions. The root cause of the problem lies in the fact that most of us refuse to grow out of the boot of being a ‘father/mother’ or a senior. Instead try being and elder, friend and guide. Moment the relationship paradigm changes you will find a definitive change in the environment. You will not be a killer anymore, rather you will be ‘adding’.
“Soft skills and not soft kills are what makes the person and organisation grow, improve your skills”
Rejection, whatever may be the cause always causes hurt. Most of us face rejection sometime or the other. It may range from minor rejections like a friend ignoring a post on social network site, a friendship request being ignored to more serious ones like partner walking out of marriage, denied a promotion or being rejected in a job interview.
Our brains are not geared to accept rejection and it always leads to moments of low, a feeling of disgust, the duration varying from person to person. Every rejection is followed by a period of self-blame, becoming extremely self-critical. More the number of rejection we go through more self-critical we get.
Rejection may be for a variety of reasons. In a personal/ professional relation, you may not be lacking anything, maybe the other person (friend/ boss/ owner) is suffering from a complex and looks for a reason to break/ withdraw. Lack of qualification may not be the treason always for rejection in interviews, it is just that you may not have the particular qualification or experience the company is looking for or they consider you over qualified for that particular job. Do not be in a hurry to write yourself off or feel disgusted.
Rejection, as a word, should be removed from the vocabulary, it conveys a negative sentiment which is not warranted at all. In this competitive world you may not get a job not because you don’t meet the laid down qualitative requirement (QR) but because there are hundreds who meet the QR and they had to take only one and it was just not your day. Similar things happen in personal relation where a girl/ boy may turn down a proposal because it doesn’t fit the parameters they have laid for their life partner. Maybe they feel too overawed and subdued and just back down.
Any obstacle/ rejection which comes in life guides you towards a better option. Do not be in a hurry to get tied up in a job or relationship. Take your time, you will find the match, personal/ professional. Once you find your match, you will, more often than not, be happy that you were not selected for the previous jobs. You will be thankful to them for helping you make a better choice, find your passion.
“Rejection should not lead to feeling of disgust, Stay positive, it may be an indication that you deserve something/ someone better”
Everyone is striving to be happy in life, the means, route and goals differ. Each one has his / her own definition of happiness but unfortunately most have a very short vision. Most draw happiness from material acquisitions or professional progression thus happiness is short lived as one gets busy in the race to achieve the next goal.
Happiness should be more related to giving than to seeking. You may own all the luxuries of life but still struggling to be happy. The main reason being the lack of purpose or meaning in life. Meaning comes from sharing. Sharing is not just related to money but more than that to time, knowledge, talent and love /emotions. We possess so much but fail to share or may be at times are reluctant to share.
More you share, more you gain emotionally, mentally. To be happy one has to rise above the daily routine, move out of the comfort zones. It’s the purpose which adds meaning to life. This is where most go wrong, seeking jobs and not identifying purpose, seeking fame, money, knowledge but failing to share.
Once you add meaning to life happiness will flow continuously. Have a sense of belonging. Belonging to the society, the family, responsibility flows from the sense of belonging. With responsibility comes sharing, completing the happiness cycle.
“Add meaning to life, strive to be a giver, happiness will flow..”
I was interacting with some 12th Grade students a few days back on the reasons for the subjects they had chosen to pursue. Most of those from humanities had surprisingly opted for their subjects not because they loved them or were passionate about. One of the main reason for opting for the humanities stream was their fear of the science subjects specially Mathematics and Physics/ Chemistry. It is not that they were very good in the subjects they had chosen to pursue but they were confident that at least they will be able to pass. Most of them had barely managed to pass in the science / maths in their junior classes.
The main reason these students fear Maths or science is that from the initial years in school the teachers & parents failed to guide them or instill confidence in them, forcing them to opt for the seemingly easier option of humanities. The sole aim is to pass. There is hardly any grooming and counselling carried out in junior classes. The students don’t have a clear vision, don’t know their purpose/ passion or what they want to achieve in life. The complete meaning of education is being lost inside the four walls of the school. Education is supposed to prepare the child for life but in actual he is getting lost in the schools in the maze of marks which leaves him confused and dazed. Teachers and parents have to help the child in finding his/her passion and support him/ her in following it. The child has to be empowered to make his own decision.
The trend, of taking the easier option, continues with most people throughout the life. Even while selecting the profession the desire of getting a job at the earliest and finances generally rule over all other factors. The fear of remaining jobless for long plays heavily on the young minds and force them to hang on to whatever they get. Most people take the first available job and avoid taking risks. They may not like the work atmosphere, get no professional satisfaction, but still carry on because of various pressures.
Even marriages, in Indian context, are at times forced upon the children by the parents. This trend is more prominent in cases of girls whom parents desire to marry off at the earliest possible opportunity. No one wants the child to stay unmarried for long. Parents are more worried about the society than about the future of the child.
How can one excel in life when most choices made are results of fear? Choices have to be made based on passion and love then only satisfaction will be achieved. The triad of student, parent and child has to work in unison to help child find his passion, his purpose. Then alone the child will be make the correct choices in life and achieve satisfaction.