‘Growth’ of parents is a must to enable ‘balanced growth’ of the child…

The day the child is born also results in the birth of a new set of parents; along with the birth of the child, a mother and a father too are ‘born’. The parents also grow, as the child grows, learning from their own experiences and from the combined wisdom of all elders and peers who keep guiding them from time to time. ‘Growth’ of the parents, or otherwise, affects the growth of the child most. There are parents who transform from being just a mother and father to being friends as the child grows whereas there is a vast majority which refuses to grow and as a result adversely affect the growth of the child; these are parents who never reach the stage of being a friend and continue to be just elders/ seniors. In my view parents can basically be classified into three types. 

enforcing a future

The ‘Hovering’ types…. 

The ‘hovering’ types who, like a helicopter always keep hovering on the head of the child, keeping a close check on every activity.  They don’t allow any freedom of action to the child specially in matters of decision making regarding the child’s own future. They specialise in thrusting down decisions down the ‘throat’ of the child. Most of them in fact want to achieve through the child what they themselves could not achieve in their own youth. In the bargain such parents generally end up ‘stunting’ the growth of the child. Enforcing discipline is required but then empowering the child too is essential; freedom of action cannot be deprived in the name of discipline. 

Partial freedom types…. 

The second type are the ones who keep a watch on the activities of the child from a distance, giving the child a bit of liberty of action but rush to ‘lay the bridge’ moment they see any obstacle in the path of the child. Thus, they deprive the child of opportunities to learn negotiating the obstacles life throws at them from time to time. Moment they see a child struggling in a particular subject in school, such parents in most cases without making much efforts to ascertain the reason of the child not doing so well, rush to arrange for a tutor or in worst case scenario change the subject at the first possible opportunity. Thus, the child gets used to changing the path moment he comes across an obstacle in his life journey. 

naughty tricks

‘Convince and not enforce’ types… 

The third variety parents who are in a minority. These parents believe in guiding and not tutoring the child. They believe in empowering the child with the art of decision making and deciding his own future. They, instead of blindly enforcing, provide necessary inputs to the child to help him make his own decisions. I fully understand, there are kids who will try to take advantage of ‘soft’ attitude of the parents and try to trick them from time to time or emotionally blackmail them into accepting what they (kids) wants. That’s where the maturity and experience come into play. Giving freedom doesn’t mean the parents allow the child to go berserk (there are parents who do that and fail miserably as parents). The watch has to be maintained to step in at the right time to guide and convince the child; Enforcing is replaced by the art of convincing. Have patience, keep pointing out the mistakes and discussing with the child; aim should be to convey that the child ‘we know what you are up to’, and the moment the child understands that he/ she will mend ways. 

freedom of thought

 

Its for the parents to decide under which category they want to be. The parents should aim to convince the child and not enforce decisions on them. Do not ever resort to bully or humiliate the child in front of others specially their peer group (It will be counter- productive in the long run).

Author: krish

I am Krish ..... I believe that Life is beyond routine..... Having spent good part of my last 30 years of life in Human resource and material management , I am here to share my experience and gain from others...... My aim in life is just to be 'Me ' ...and be happy always...

110 thoughts on “‘Growth’ of parents is a must to enable ‘balanced growth’ of the child…”

  1. Absolutely, logic works much better than any punishment on earth. That’s what I use with my kids and it doesn’t hurt my throat either by yelling at them. Where have you been my brother? Don’t disappear on me. You are a guroo when it comes to great content writing.

    Liked by 1 person

  2. We as a couple have just got on to a path of being parents and it’s the right article at the right time for beginners like us. Nice guidelines and good article. Thanks

    Liked by 1 person

  3. In fact parents as well as grand parents too start learning from the child..so the child himself/herself contributes to the growth of the parents …provided they are not rigid.

    Liked by 1 person

  4. It’s an excellent post and I am so glad you wrote it. I see so many parents giving into their child’s tantrumssnd unfairly so. It’s important to raise a child well and parents have a very important responsibility at that.

    Liked by 1 person

  5. Great article, being a parent is the hardest job you will ever hold and unfortunately, there is no manual available. I love your descriptions of the different types of parents.

    Liked by 1 person

  6. Much research has placed great emphasis on the role parents play in their child’s development. Parents are not only caretakers, but they are instrumental in the development of their child’s social, emotional, cognitive and physical well-being. Every year of a child’s life is precious, but when it comes to development, the first five are the most important. This is when a child becomes the person they are going to be. It is when they learn appropriate behaviour, boundaries, empathy and many other important social skills that will remain with them for life. Parents are another important part of the developmental equation. Infants prefer human stimuli—your face, voice, touch, and even smell—over everything else. … Most adults (and children) find infants irresistible, and instinctively want to nurture and protect them.

    Liked by 1 person

  7. There is so much research out there on this topic, while I agree with you on some topics that you’ve listed here, I don’t agree with you on everything. You can’t lump every single parent on this planet into one of these three categories you have listed here. I am one of those parents. Yes, I want to let my daughter have the freedom that she deserves so that she can find out who she is, aside from Mommy and Daddy. Yes, I try and let her make up her own mind about things – but there are certain things that a parent has to enforce upon their children. It is very important for us, as parents to remember that while it is our responsibility to raise our children and protect them, we still need to let them have some space and grow into their own in a safe, and neutral environment without worry or fear of being humiliated or in danger.

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Thank you for your comments…what I have generally referred to is the mental growth..the ability to take decisions…which most parents dont allow in the name if discipline or protection…

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      1. I get what you are trying to say, but on the flip side of this – there are parents who don’t do any of this. Some parents don’t discipline their kids at all, or don’t interact with their kid, allowing them to their own devices like letting the TV run all day, to keep the kid entertained.

        Everyone parents in their own way, but I think we all can try and do better, for the sake of our kids.

        Liked by 1 person

  8. As a parent of 2 young boys, I often change my approach if my current one is not working. It’s definitely a balance- you want your child to succeed, and it is very hard when they don’t. It’s a learning process each and every day!

    Liked by 1 person

  9. As much as possible, I don’t want to classify parents or their parenting style. While I was reading your post, I didn’t see myself in any of those. I am a little bit of this and a little bit of that. Parenting style depends on the age of the child, their needs, and their level of development. My parenting style to my 4-yr old son is different from my 1-yr old daughter.
    For example, my son is only 4 years old. I am not a hovering type, but I do most of the decisions for him so he will know what is right and wrong. Or else, all I will hear from him is ‘No’ (one of their favorite words). I am also not a partial freedom type, but I help my son when he is struggling, for example, in writing. If I will not ‘lay the bridge’ or help him or tutor him, then my son will never learn how to write and will just play all day. I am also not a convince and not enforce types, but I do empower my son to make good decisions, for example on choosing good toys or good movies (he is only 4!).

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    1. The article is about mental growth of child and how parents facilitate or hamper it…First five or six years of age all parents are same..but the aim should sleays be to coach and not tutor…even three years old love to use their brain ..let them….
      Thank you..
      Gid bless

      Like

    1. Most of us pass through different stages of parenting…unfortunately there is vast majority which refuses to grow and in the bargain don’t allow the kids to grow…be themselves…Thank you…..God bless

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  10. Everything has evolved so much. Growing up if I didn’t respond quick I will be considered disrespectful. It was very strict and I distinctly remember when my grandmother slapped my mom for answering back. In raising my daughter I went the opposite at reasoning instead of spanking. I see a little bit of this and that in your description for me.

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  11. Time has changed and the way we raise our children has changed dramatically when we were growing up. There is no best method for your child as every child is different. As parents, we need to adapt to situations according to gain a comprehensive judgment. Good luck to us all.

    Liked by 1 person

  12. Yes!!!! This is brilliant. Is there another way to describe it than “convince”. I try to explain this way of parenting to people and somethings feel they see it as manipulating them 🤷🏼‍♀️

    Liked by 1 person

    1. You may call it participative..where parents and children together work towards findibg a better solution…parents suggest and guide and the child decides what to do….he takes an informed decision..

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  13. Parenting is definitely a growth process. It takes time. And it takes the ability to step back and allow your child to grow. But that’s hard to do sometimes because you want to have your child succeed and hate seeing them fail.

    Liked by 1 person

  14. This is a post that a lot of parents could relate. It is funny to read because all are true. What an inspiring mix of stories and experiences.

    Liked by 1 person

  15. Hey this article is really worth a read..
    I am not a parent yet, but trust me i can relate to so many points ..not only that I have got a broader perspective of how parents think..
    I am glad to have read this article ..
    Cheers 👍👍

    Liked by 1 person

  16. Great post! I would love to say I’m the third type of parent, but if I’m honest I think I lean more towards the second. This is definitely eye opening. I always saw it as I’m protecting my child, but letting them learn on their own for the most part. I now see how it can stunt their ability to avoid obstacles if I never allow them to face any! I will definitely strive to convince not enforce! Thanks for helping me become the best parent I can be!
    -Veronica Olafsen

    Liked by 1 person

  17. As a preschool teacher, I see the many types of parents throughout the years. And in a country where the parents dictate the kid’s future (due to exams and the pursuit of money), I see a lot of helicopter moms. I understand their needs but it can be too much for the kid.

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Thank you for your views…..
      But I would like to disagree on this…provide guidance and the right information is correct but I’m posting authority and setting expectations may not be..
      God bless you

      Like

  18. Certainly an interesting and thought-provoking read. I am not a parent yet but used to work for a parenting service so this interested me greatly!

    Liked by 1 person

  19. I completely agree! I’m not a parent but I’ve seen other young parents grow out of their immaturity once they have the baby. It’s weird and I didn’t understand till I read this.

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  20. We were just talking about this at my job. As a teacher, we really have to learn to let the kids learn. Rushing in to help when they can’t solve, doesn’t really help THEM learn to solve. Completely applicable to life outside of school as well.

    Liked by 1 person

  21. I am so glad that I did not choose what my parents would have wanted me to. They did not force me but they really wanted me to become an engineer. I chose my own path and they supported me throughout.

    Liked by 1 person

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