Stay positive….You are born to excel not to ‘just fit in’….

My son is in the final year of his B Tech pursuing a course in computer Science and Engineering. The fourth and final year is most crucial, in the sense that at the start of the session itself major companies start scouting for interns as well as for regular employment through college placement. This is normally the first time the young budding graduates face the interviews for placements. Every student wishes to get a suitable placement as per his calibre, but they all know in their heart that not everyone will be successful through campus interviews (rather a large majority may not get what they are looking for).

Growing tension

One can feel the tension in the environment as the process progresses stage by stage and elimination starts. The one’s who get eliminated naturally will feel low for some days. It’s a sort of feeling of being rejected, which actually it should not be, they are too young to understand this. This is the first time in life that a majority would have faced ‘Rejection’; a feeling of not living up to expectations, their own and that of their parents/ families.

Self- Criticism

A process of self- criticism starts in the mind, looking for reasons for perceived failures, and squarely putting the blame on themselves for the failures, considering themselves unfit for the job. Self- critique generally leads to setting in of a feeling of low esteem, a belief that they are not fit for the best of the companies and may have to settle for mid rung or even low-end jobs. This only leads to diminishing self-confidence, loosing of focus leading to more failures. At times the family elders and teachers add fuel to the negative inner voice of the child by admonishing him for failures.

Be prepared for failures

Our education system and the parents do not prepare the child to face failures nor do they prepare the child to exercise patience. The child is not clear about his purpose/ passion. He is just around 21 and still has enough time at hand to identify and realise his dream. This he can do only and only if he exercises patience and prepares. Parents/ other family members should not be breathing down his neck, forcing him for job. All these failures are temporary, the child should just learn from them and move on.

Go for what your heart and mind is longing for

He/ she should not keep applying and trying for job on offer. Understand what his mind and heart is looking for. If the heart is not in it, chances of failures are very high which will further add to tension. The child should go after what you love, he still has another five to 10 years to struggle and realise his passion.

Self- Compassion

Do not let the negative sentiment get rooted in your inner voice. Look for the origin of this negative emotion and eliminate it with your positive passion. Most of the time the origin is not from within but it is planted by outsiders, maybe even through parents or close relations. Have self- compassion; you have the ability and you will get what you are looking for, just stay focused. Do not allow negative criticism disturb you too much. Do not sit on judgement and indulge in self- critique. Believe in yourself in your own capabilities. Nobody knows your inner strengths and your capabilities more than you. Do not ever do the mistake of accepting anything as part of destiny, it was destined to happen the way it happened. You have the ability to create your own path, write your own destiny and you will write it.

“Instead of mercilessly judging and criticizing yourself for various inadequacies or shortcomings, have self -compassion; be kind and understanding when confronted with personal failings – after all who ever said you were supposed to be perfect”….Dr Kristin Ness