Today while scrolling through various posts on Facebook, I came across this wonderful quote which immediately caught my eye and set my mind thinking “Explain your anger, don’t express it, you will immediately open the door to solutions instead of arguments”.
Yes, this makes so much of sense and will help avoid so much of unnecessary stress, wastage of time and avoid spoiling relationships. Anger can’t be helped, we all get angry at someone or other because as per our perception he/ she has not performed up to our expectations. Anger is justified when it has resulted due to your own or your team’s under performance and led to a loss (loss of face or financial), but certainly should not lead to loss of temper, causing humiliation.
Anger is generally the result of difference in opinion, varying perceptions and our unnecessary desire of controlling everything. We all have our own perception of perfection/ excellence and tend to lose our mind when the output is not as per what we perceived it is be.
I have come across many a senior in my long professional journey who thought getting angry and shouting was their birth right and things were going good in the organisation because of them and their ability to shout. Nothing can be more far from truth. Such bosses are just endured that too because there are limited options available to the juniors. Initially such bosses, by their stupid behaviour, do succeed in increasing the stress levels but as time passes they become the object of fun for the juniors. Such seniors only have the guts of shouting at juniors, however, in front of their own bosses they are meek and timid. Organisation performs well because everyone is doing his/ her job, for their own self- respect, despite having a stupid boss.
Anger should never be used as a means of exerting your seniority or power, misuse of authority vested in you. Anger should be used as a tool for improvement.
I have also been an angry young man and not just my juniors but in equal proportions some of my seniors suffered from my anger. I was fortunate that I realised quite early in life that my temper was causing more harm than any good to the organisation and to me as a person.
Do not control the anger but control the way it is expressed. Instead of just shouting and humiliating, it’s anytime better to express what you did not like and let the other person explain his/ her view and more often than not the issue will be resolved in no time. Whenever you perceive a wrong has been done or a performance has not been up to the expectations, do not be in a hurry to react and sort the things out. Take your time, think it over, you may understand the reasons why things went wrong or maybe the performance was not as bad as you thought. If your mind still says that you are right, call over the people responsible for the job and have a cool discussion, understand their point of view. Convey what you found lacking and If need be, convey your displeasure without raising your raising your voice.
When a senior or boss loses his cool at the drop of a hat, juniors start avoiding him and communication and feedback system starts dying down. This is the worst which can happen in a company/ team. Communication should not be allowed to break down at any cost. The team member should feel free to interact with the boss anytime, anywhere. High tempers will only result in increased stress levels which is not good for your own health and that of the organisation you work for.
Short temper may also cause serious embarrassment and loss (under performance and loss of respect) at times. There will certainly be occasions where you will realise that you shouted for nothing or when because of your ego entire job had to be re-done causing losses. Cool temperament will help you avoid such incidents.
Heated quarrels, shouting over the top and losing temper certainly is not warranted at home. Kids, spouse will question things, learn to convince. You may not have answers to all the questions, accept it, find the solutions. Do not try to shut them up by raising your voice, it may work couple of times, not more, after which you will lose respect and your peace of mind. Maintain peace at home, it’s good for you and the family.
“Anger seldom leads to good solutions, discussions do”