Month: Jun 2018

 

We in India take pride in our old age traditions and culture of family bonding. Indian culture thrived on family bonding. Once a relationship was formed, it was for life. The strong family bonds continue even now, though the cities have seen a shift from joint to nuclear families.

Children are generally moving out of parental home for reasons of profession and also to a large extent, after marriage, in search of independence. Cases of separation/ divorce are on the increase. The elders, somehow, blame it on the increasing effect of western culture, but that may not be the main reason at all. 

The joint families had a major advantage of emotional, physical and financial support available within the family. Whenever there was a problem the entire family used to revolve around to help resolve the issue. The work load was equitably distributed between all family members. However, as the families grew bigger the requirements increased, specially of the space, living and work space both. Thus, the need to move to alternate places emerged. Job opportunities was a major reason of young adults moving base from rural to urban centers. 

Though the males apparently were the patriarchs in the family but in reality, the families revolved around the mothers, the ladies. It is the ladies who took care of the family, brought up children, helped maintained family bonding. Was, emotional support and love the only reasons for the family bonding, the reason for marriage to last till death interfered? Well, at the face of it, appeared so. However, in reality the reasons may be beyond emotions. In Indian families, girls, since ages, have been brought up with a mindset that their main role in life is to take care of the family, bring up children. The ladies were supposed to stay in home and only men folk were supposed to go out and work. Girls were generally groomed to be homely, not actually empowered to have a professional career. Rather the girls were discouraged from pursuing a job. Situation in rural areas or towns have still not changed much where girls are groomed with the mindset that they require the support of the man to survive. They have to be married at the earliest possible age. 

Once the girls were not empowered to face the world, to be independent, they were forced to accept whatever life came their way after marriage. Even if the lady was not happy with her way of life, after marriage, she generally endured it all because of the fear of survival, if marriage broke. The parents forced/ convinced the girls to make compromises/ adjust. 

Now, the modern-day girls in cities and to some extent in small towns are educated and longing to have a professional career. They are sure of themselves and don’t feel the need of a man to survive. Even boys want to move out of the shadows of elders to grow on their own strength. An educated, empowered girl/ boy will not take nonsense from anyone. Even husbands don’t like to see their wives being humiliated by elders in the name of culture and traditions. These are the main reasons giving rise to nuclear families, forcing young adults to leave the parental homes. There is a flip side to it; even small difference in opinion at times grow into major issues, as there are no elders around to help resolve the problems.  When both, husband and wife are working, the child suffers to an extent. They are not able to give the child the attention he deserves. 

A change in mindset, which encourages independence under the same roof, is required, if family bonding have to foster. Parents have to change their outlook. Even the youngsters have to evolve and understand their responsibility towards parents and family as a whole. 

“Profession may force a child to stay away from parent, but the emotions can’t be allowed to die”

 

I remember years back, much before the Multi-National Companies(MNCs) stepped in India, much before the Tutorials/ Coaching classes became ‘fashionable’, evenings used to be so much fun. 

People of all age used to eagerly await the arrival of the evening to hit the play grounds, the parks or just to meet friends and walk on the roads. The women folk could be seen sitting in groups, latest gossips/ ideas being exchanged in a friendly environment. The couple of hours spent in the evening with friends used to be the real stress busters. There were no day and night cricket matches, evenings used to be left free for the people to interact, to socialise. 

Where have those evenings gone? Where has that leisure vanished? I am afraid, the evenings are still there, people, the fun, the laughter has gone missing. The kids are tied up in the books, running from classrooms in the day to the tutorials/ coaching classes in the evenings. Much of youth/ middle age is spent behind the workstations trying to earn much more than what can be spent. Love, which used to bloom in the gardens, under the trees or by the lake side is now being exchanged through messages/ smileys online.  At homes , TV and cell phones have more or less taken over the space for meaningful conversations. Stress levels are going high with young kids suffering from high blood pressure, obesity, heart problems, diabetes and what not. Where are we headed for? 

People step out of the homes in the morning and step back in at night (a large number late night). It seems as if the evenings have ceased to exist. Fortunately, the evenings still exist, the beauty is still around in nature, waiting for the people to realise and enjoy. It is for us, the people, to slow down, to set our schedule right, get back the old routine, get back the laughter. 

We have all become part of the rat race, knowing fully well that the one who wins will still remain a rat. We have to get back our human senses, start being social. Use the evening to unwind, de-stress, spend time with family/ friends. Get the laughter back in the air.

 

I was born in a lower middle-class family. At the time of my birth my dad was a clerk in a government organisation and mother a housewife. My father was a high school pass out and My mom, what some will say, a school dropout. 

But then, I was born lucky. Lucky because my parents understood the meaning of good education, more than that they understood the relevance of value education. They ensured that all of us siblings went to good schools and got the best of the education. 

I was lucky that my parents instilled moral values in me, made me capable of differentiating right from wrong. Made us corruption proof. “They taught me to live within my means and that to live happy I don’t have to own too much, rather, no one should own me”. 

I was born lucky to have parents who taught me to stand on my own feet very early in life. They taught me the meaning of ‘Never ever giving up’. They were the best examples of ‘fighters’ I have ever seen. They achieved most with the minimum. They ingrained deep down in my brain that “Happiness had very little connection with material possessions. Happiness has to flow from within”. 

They never differentiated between people, in fact it is late in school, I learnt that people could be differentiated on basis of caste, creed, religion and region. They taught me the value of respecting, maintaining and honouring relationships. 

My parents gave me the freedom of choice, freedom to do what I wanted to do with my life. 

Yes I was born lucky, born blessed and continue to reap the rewards till date…..Yes I am Happy.